Sorry for double posting, but i just HAD to mention this somewhere before i forget.
Get ready for this folks, its stupid and random, but it made me giggle :)
A.N.I.M.E = M.A.I.N.E
This has no relation to anything at all really, but its just a fun thing i noticed since anagrams and coming up with code names go well together nowadays :D Who knows? I just might use this little bit of "anagram magic" in the future ;D
Peace out :D
Thursday, October 28, 2010
After all this while and still not too many posts.
Yep you heard me, my blog is almost 3 years old now. I started this blog when i was in the beginning of my junior year in highschool. Although i started blogging quite a few years back, i think i sort of lost my previous blog address AND my account I.D AND my password along with it. Talk about losing the whole package :(
Anyway, I just really noticed that through the months of blogging. My blog posts aren't as colourful as they once were XD
There used to be literally, colour sprawled out all across my blog page. As the years rolled my posts started to get longer and longer, the content of my blog started to question deeper mindsets and thinkings and the most blatantly obvious (as i have just mentioned) is that my posts are not as colourful as they once were.
I used to have colourful one liners like this all over the place :P
Differences with how i used to think and how i matured these couple of years, i can plainly see in this blog and i do plan to keep my old posts as they are and unedited. I did edit one though, stating how i changed my mind about college.
I do apologize though that since i do not intend to change my previous entries, there will be some profanity that has been used in previous posts and i do apologize for that. Think of these posts perhaps, as part of a rant from a teen girl growing up :)
While we're on this topic, I was reading one of my old posts where i posted up a story i had written for my school magazine. Reading it again brought me a wave of nostalgia...and shock! Oh Lord i thought, why was my story so-so-so mature? I remembered i was inspired by "Shin" from Nana at the time but oh my, i think i know why now that the teachers refused to talk about my entree even after it was sent in.
Just imagine, if you sent in a fictional story talking about prostitution, sex, drugs, AND rock & roll to an all girls school magazine? And its a convent no less! You're asking for a slap to the face.
Its as bad as let's say, asking the Pope to write porn. Yes, it is THAT out of place. :3
But then again, re-reading that story also made me realise. How did i know so much about drugs, prostitution, sex AND even S&M at that tender age?....Well, no use pondering about that now, but it does make my ol heart wonder . Glad to see i wasn't completely oblivious to the happenings in the outside world though :D
This is kind of embarassing to remember all of a sudden D: Today, i thank the Lords of Nostalgia for giving me a slap to the face :/
Anyway, I just really noticed that through the months of blogging. My blog posts aren't as colourful as they once were XD
There used to be literally, colour sprawled out all across my blog page. As the years rolled my posts started to get longer and longer, the content of my blog started to question deeper mindsets and thinkings and the most blatantly obvious (as i have just mentioned) is that my posts are not as colourful as they once were.
I used to have colourful one liners like this all over the place :P
Differences with how i used to think and how i matured these couple of years, i can plainly see in this blog and i do plan to keep my old posts as they are and unedited. I did edit one though, stating how i changed my mind about college.
I do apologize though that since i do not intend to change my previous entries, there will be some profanity that has been used in previous posts and i do apologize for that. Think of these posts perhaps, as part of a rant from a teen girl growing up :)
While we're on this topic, I was reading one of my old posts where i posted up a story i had written for my school magazine. Reading it again brought me a wave of nostalgia...and shock! Oh Lord i thought, why was my story so-so-so mature? I remembered i was inspired by "Shin" from Nana at the time but oh my, i think i know why now that the teachers refused to talk about my entree even after it was sent in.
Just imagine, if you sent in a fictional story talking about prostitution, sex, drugs, AND rock & roll to an all girls school magazine? And its a convent no less! You're asking for a slap to the face.
Its as bad as let's say, asking the Pope to write porn. Yes, it is THAT out of place. :3
But then again, re-reading that story also made me realise. How did i know so much about drugs, prostitution, sex AND even S&M at that tender age?....Well, no use pondering about that now, but it does make my ol heart wonder . Glad to see i wasn't completely oblivious to the happenings in the outside world though :D
This is kind of embarassing to remember all of a sudden D: Today, i thank the Lords of Nostalgia for giving me a slap to the face :/
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Composing
I've taken a new interest in composing music. Recently i've been up pretty late everynight trying to come with up a piece which i can be satisfied with. (hopefully the neighbours won't be too mad :/)
I've been so fickle with how the music should sound. More particular in fact, to make sure it doesn't sounds similar to something i've heard before. I have an accidental habit of incorporating music i've heard before into my compositions. Unintentional of course, but i do not want it to become a rip off of something i've already heard.
I'm currently working on this piece i naively called "Love comes softly". Hopefully i can get it finished and recored it in mp3 format soon :D
I've been so fickle with how the music should sound. More particular in fact, to make sure it doesn't sounds similar to something i've heard before. I have an accidental habit of incorporating music i've heard before into my compositions. Unintentional of course, but i do not want it to become a rip off of something i've already heard.
I'm currently working on this piece i naively called "Love comes softly". Hopefully i can get it finished and recored it in mp3 format soon :D
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Disgusted with my own countryman
Before we go any further, please take a look at this link.
I came to know about this article via a friend of course.
http://www.malaysiakini.com/opinions/41813
The article talked about the experience of a poor unfortunate citizen of our country. Wrongfully treated and unjustly accused. Apparently the term "innocent until proven guilty" does not exist within our country's laws. Sad but true :(
As part of the Royal Police Force, i expected at least some morales and respect for their prisoners. Treating them like dirt, i wish to see these men stripped of their rank and kicked off the force immediately. But then again, we have to beg the question, "what can WE do to stop this?" I doubt this is the first time an article like this has been written. And surely, most of us are not oblivious to how screwed up our "Royal Police Force" can be. If you've lived in Malaysia for the past 20 years or so, more likely yes than no, you would have faced problems with the police before. Bribery, blackmail, forged evidence? You name it, the list goes on.
Sometimes when i read stuff like this, my heart just sinks. I feel embarrassed with the Malaysian "stamp" plastered onto my profile. If i could cover up the fact that i have been a Malaysian all my life, I would. Or maybe I'm not being positive about this enough? :/ Sure our country has its quirks and faults but which country doesn't?
Sad thing is, its not just our own countrymen who feel embarrassed about our country. Even the foreigners in Singapore, Thailand, Philippines and even Australia, they can even use the term " typical Malaysian" when reading about negative articles about us.
I was going through Sankoku Complex the other day and an article about this Malaysian guy who stole a famous seiyuu's water bottle and drank from it while taking pictures of himself doing so received quite abit of hype. To me, when reading the article, i felt so disgusted NOT of the fact that he was a Malaysian, but because of the fact that he creeped me out, showing me exactly how some otaku fanatics can be so obsessive compulsive sometimes. I was surprised though when i started to read the comments. To put in short, most of the content of the comments were filled with remarks such like "typical Malaysian" or "there goes Malaysia again" and more of the sort with just as many weaboo Malaysians trying to defend themselves by saying "don't group the lot of us because of just one guy". This in turned received alot of flaming from other commentors stating that "Malaysians are just saying that to defend themselves because its true".
In all honesty, i got really irritated.
The work of one man can almost turn the entire world otaku community against the Malaysian otaku community. I applaud my fellow countryman for trying to defend ourselves but the way they did it was just so out of place. Instead about commenting about that particular incident at hand, they began trolling about how "corrupt our government was" and how "racist our country was" (as if we haven't heard enough of that).
A little note to anymore Malaysians who wish to comment on Sankoku, BE VERY CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT YOU SAY. People who frequently tread onto Sankoku territory are often times either really mental or really naive, with the latter being the most likely. :/
But enough about me ranting for now. I think i don't have much more to say anymore regarding how our country works.
I came to know about this article via a friend of course.
http://www.malaysiakini.com/opinions/41813
The article talked about the experience of a poor unfortunate citizen of our country. Wrongfully treated and unjustly accused. Apparently the term "innocent until proven guilty" does not exist within our country's laws. Sad but true :(
As part of the Royal Police Force, i expected at least some morales and respect for their prisoners. Treating them like dirt, i wish to see these men stripped of their rank and kicked off the force immediately. But then again, we have to beg the question, "what can WE do to stop this?" I doubt this is the first time an article like this has been written. And surely, most of us are not oblivious to how screwed up our "Royal Police Force" can be. If you've lived in Malaysia for the past 20 years or so, more likely yes than no, you would have faced problems with the police before. Bribery, blackmail, forged evidence? You name it, the list goes on.
Sometimes when i read stuff like this, my heart just sinks. I feel embarrassed with the Malaysian "stamp" plastered onto my profile. If i could cover up the fact that i have been a Malaysian all my life, I would. Or maybe I'm not being positive about this enough? :/ Sure our country has its quirks and faults but which country doesn't?
Sad thing is, its not just our own countrymen who feel embarrassed about our country. Even the foreigners in Singapore, Thailand, Philippines and even Australia, they can even use the term " typical Malaysian" when reading about negative articles about us.
I was going through Sankoku Complex the other day and an article about this Malaysian guy who stole a famous seiyuu's water bottle and drank from it while taking pictures of himself doing so received quite abit of hype. To me, when reading the article, i felt so disgusted NOT of the fact that he was a Malaysian, but because of the fact that he creeped me out, showing me exactly how some otaku fanatics can be so obsessive compulsive sometimes. I was surprised though when i started to read the comments. To put in short, most of the content of the comments were filled with remarks such like "typical Malaysian" or "there goes Malaysia again" and more of the sort with just as many weaboo Malaysians trying to defend themselves by saying "don't group the lot of us because of just one guy". This in turned received alot of flaming from other commentors stating that "Malaysians are just saying that to defend themselves because its true".
In all honesty, i got really irritated.
The work of one man can almost turn the entire world otaku community against the Malaysian otaku community. I applaud my fellow countryman for trying to defend ourselves but the way they did it was just so out of place. Instead about commenting about that particular incident at hand, they began trolling about how "corrupt our government was" and how "racist our country was" (as if we haven't heard enough of that).
A little note to anymore Malaysians who wish to comment on Sankoku, BE VERY CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT YOU SAY. People who frequently tread onto Sankoku territory are often times either really mental or really naive, with the latter being the most likely. :/
But enough about me ranting for now. I think i don't have much more to say anymore regarding how our country works.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Neglecting friends
I'll be dead honest right now, i know i'm not exactly the best "friend keeper" around. I only try to keep in contact when i feel like it, and to make things even worse, i don't have a single sociable bone in my body :/ The closest thing i can get to keeping a conversation between old friends alive is with the standard and generic " HEY!!! IT'S BEEN A WHILE, HOW'VE YOU BEEN????!!!!" kind of expression ._.
No one has exactly per say ever said to me that i neglect my friends on an often basis, but i feel i do it either way. I guess the thought came to mind one day when i was going through facebook and realising that i have not been keeping up to date with old highschool mates at all. The number of people from highschool i DO keep in touch with, i can even count them on one hand, and that isn't good :(
I guess i'm the type of person who doesn't really care most of the time, or i'm the type who can move on easily? Who can say? Maybe i'm just the type of person who would find it redundant to try and keep contact with highschool mates i never really got along with, with the exception of a special few of course. :D
Old highschool classmates for two years, and not a single one have i been keeping in touch with. I know some have moved over to australia, some studying at local colleges now and i think one or two have went over to new zealand. But do i really give a damn? Heck no. Yeah, I'm cruel in that way, but i feel the reason i never really bothered is because i never really felt a connection with them in the first place.
I remember the days of my highschool years when i was 16 and 17, i got seperated from my group of friends and though i was really upset at first, i got over it soon enough. You know what they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder :) But back on topic, i was thrown into a class where bonds were tight amoung the students, there was a sense of unity of shall we say "class patriotism"? You get the picture. And though on the surface level i was able to bond with them, i never really fitted into any particular group. I never really could connect with them on a deeper level.
Maybe i was just weird, an outcast, an outsider, one who is better of left alone type. Do i really give that impression?
Heck, maybe i was just a loser. I was never good at ANY type of sports, my academic grades sucked after i resolved to myself that i would never bother studying for something i never found worth it again, and i didn't really have alot of friends. Maybe that was why i was giving off this outcast impression to the other peeps :/
Ironically, the people i DO keep in touch with are the people i was in the same class with during middle school. I could be myself without a care in the world, and though i know people love to judge, (i know i do mostly) they would not neglect or ridicule me for the sake of a misunderstanding so minute.
The group of friends i do have now, most of them are, in short "otaku" in a good way of course. Stragely enough though through the generic public eye, an otaku may come off as a shall i say "creepy anime freak who thinks Neon Genesis Evangelion was really DEEP " but aux contrare, the group of people i've met are one of the most nicest people i've met. In terms of growing up, after hearing their story, i feel a sense of connection there, a sense of "i understand how they felt". Maybe because we were always the type to see things from a 3rd person point of view? Maybe thats why we were never part of a group but by always being a 3rd person there became a group of its own :D
I'm glad with the people i have around me right now, and with maturity i now have come to my senses, about which friends i can keep and which i can well, "keep my distance". Friends come and go, they always say, but true friendship can come from the most unexpected of places :D
No one has exactly per say ever said to me that i neglect my friends on an often basis, but i feel i do it either way. I guess the thought came to mind one day when i was going through facebook and realising that i have not been keeping up to date with old highschool mates at all. The number of people from highschool i DO keep in touch with, i can even count them on one hand, and that isn't good :(
I guess i'm the type of person who doesn't really care most of the time, or i'm the type who can move on easily? Who can say? Maybe i'm just the type of person who would find it redundant to try and keep contact with highschool mates i never really got along with, with the exception of a special few of course. :D
Old highschool classmates for two years, and not a single one have i been keeping in touch with. I know some have moved over to australia, some studying at local colleges now and i think one or two have went over to new zealand. But do i really give a damn? Heck no. Yeah, I'm cruel in that way, but i feel the reason i never really bothered is because i never really felt a connection with them in the first place.
I remember the days of my highschool years when i was 16 and 17, i got seperated from my group of friends and though i was really upset at first, i got over it soon enough. You know what they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder :) But back on topic, i was thrown into a class where bonds were tight amoung the students, there was a sense of unity of shall we say "class patriotism"? You get the picture. And though on the surface level i was able to bond with them, i never really fitted into any particular group. I never really could connect with them on a deeper level.
Maybe i was just weird, an outcast, an outsider, one who is better of left alone type. Do i really give that impression?
Heck, maybe i was just a loser. I was never good at ANY type of sports, my academic grades sucked after i resolved to myself that i would never bother studying for something i never found worth it again, and i didn't really have alot of friends. Maybe that was why i was giving off this outcast impression to the other peeps :/
Ironically, the people i DO keep in touch with are the people i was in the same class with during middle school. I could be myself without a care in the world, and though i know people love to judge, (i know i do mostly) they would not neglect or ridicule me for the sake of a misunderstanding so minute.
The group of friends i do have now, most of them are, in short "otaku" in a good way of course. Stragely enough though through the generic public eye, an otaku may come off as a shall i say "creepy anime freak who thinks Neon Genesis Evangelion was really DEEP " but aux contrare, the group of people i've met are one of the most nicest people i've met. In terms of growing up, after hearing their story, i feel a sense of connection there, a sense of "i understand how they felt". Maybe because we were always the type to see things from a 3rd person point of view? Maybe thats why we were never part of a group but by always being a 3rd person there became a group of its own :D
I'm glad with the people i have around me right now, and with maturity i now have come to my senses, about which friends i can keep and which i can well, "keep my distance". Friends come and go, they always say, but true friendship can come from the most unexpected of places :D
Friday, October 1, 2010
Heading on without a direction.
Days roll on by. I sit by at the corner of my apartment practicing my piano. Doing this everyday now, it all seems so pointless. Working up towards a higher goal, these trials and tribulations, they are all just stepping stones to achieve my final goal. I'm just wondering right now, did i make the right choice?
Let me make this very clear, i love music. Not just listening to it, but also when it comes to composing music, reading music notes, and even practicing music, i love it all. Perhaps it comes with the genes of my mother, her being a piano teacher and all. Despite loving music, i feel...scared to be doing this. Why do i keep having this sense of failure in me? Like the very thought of me pursuing something i love will most indefinitely end in failure?
As of now, I've stopped college to pursue my music again. I've been practicing everyday, doing constant self studying and as we speak i'm even considering auditioning for Berklee in the coming month of March. I've laid out all my plans for the future bare on the table and granted things will not go as smoothly as i plan but i do hope that my goal in the end will not be unreachable.
I see the people around me, my old highschool mates, friends from college, family, they all seem to be heading somewhere, in a direction. Most of them now, have moved on to university overseas, started working and some even have their own company now. Sure that not everyone has a lined out path for them to follow in life. When i compare myself next to them, i feel like such a failure. Perhaps this is the reason for such strong negativity in my mind.
Truth be told, i was never the outgoing kind of person growing up. In all honesty, i was always the girl in the background trying to stand out on her own. Thinking back, i must have seemed like a fool, but thats all in the past now :D You remember that dorky looking girl with the glasses in elementary school? The one who'd always be the teacher's pet, strive for straight A's and the one regarded as the weirdo of the class? That's the prime example of me right there. I guess my overly excessive behaviour of trying to be the "perfect" daughther and student pushed to become who i was at the time. Heck i remember i even cried because i failed a simple morale test before. Kind of embarassing when i think about it now :/ The neighbouring aunties and my mom's friends would often call me a "smart" child and are always commenting about how lucky my mom was seeing that i had a bright future.
The point in me saying all this really, is just to ask, how did that naive perfectionistic girl, end up to become the person that i am today?
I can't really answer that question. My guess was always because my mother passed away, it left me with grief which i carry on to this day. But no, i now realise its not because i was left with grief that i turned out this way, its because instead of grief i was granted the gift of "freedom".
Cruel and as harsh as my words may seem. I cannot deny it, in my heart, after my mom passed away, i got to do things which i would have never been allowed to do in years to come. And with my mom's passing, my father started to neglect my brother and i a little as well, that has all come to pass too and we don't bring that up anymore. But the fact remains, the damage has already been done though. Since the time my mother passed away up to this day, its been almost six years now, and within this six years i do not know if the person i am today is the "real" me or the one who was overprotected and cared for during my younger days as a little girl.
Would i have never decided to go to an art school if my mother was still around? Was my choice to go to an art school a humble act of rebellion upon my way of living?
Would i still be the same person i am today if she raised me as she would have?
Let me make this very clear, i love music. Not just listening to it, but also when it comes to composing music, reading music notes, and even practicing music, i love it all. Perhaps it comes with the genes of my mother, her being a piano teacher and all. Despite loving music, i feel...scared to be doing this. Why do i keep having this sense of failure in me? Like the very thought of me pursuing something i love will most indefinitely end in failure?
As of now, I've stopped college to pursue my music again. I've been practicing everyday, doing constant self studying and as we speak i'm even considering auditioning for Berklee in the coming month of March. I've laid out all my plans for the future bare on the table and granted things will not go as smoothly as i plan but i do hope that my goal in the end will not be unreachable.
I see the people around me, my old highschool mates, friends from college, family, they all seem to be heading somewhere, in a direction. Most of them now, have moved on to university overseas, started working and some even have their own company now. Sure that not everyone has a lined out path for them to follow in life. When i compare myself next to them, i feel like such a failure. Perhaps this is the reason for such strong negativity in my mind.
Truth be told, i was never the outgoing kind of person growing up. In all honesty, i was always the girl in the background trying to stand out on her own. Thinking back, i must have seemed like a fool, but thats all in the past now :D You remember that dorky looking girl with the glasses in elementary school? The one who'd always be the teacher's pet, strive for straight A's and the one regarded as the weirdo of the class? That's the prime example of me right there. I guess my overly excessive behaviour of trying to be the "perfect" daughther and student pushed to become who i was at the time. Heck i remember i even cried because i failed a simple morale test before. Kind of embarassing when i think about it now :/ The neighbouring aunties and my mom's friends would often call me a "smart" child and are always commenting about how lucky my mom was seeing that i had a bright future.
The point in me saying all this really, is just to ask, how did that naive perfectionistic girl, end up to become the person that i am today?
I can't really answer that question. My guess was always because my mother passed away, it left me with grief which i carry on to this day. But no, i now realise its not because i was left with grief that i turned out this way, its because instead of grief i was granted the gift of "freedom".
Cruel and as harsh as my words may seem. I cannot deny it, in my heart, after my mom passed away, i got to do things which i would have never been allowed to do in years to come. And with my mom's passing, my father started to neglect my brother and i a little as well, that has all come to pass too and we don't bring that up anymore. But the fact remains, the damage has already been done though. Since the time my mother passed away up to this day, its been almost six years now, and within this six years i do not know if the person i am today is the "real" me or the one who was overprotected and cared for during my younger days as a little girl.
Would i have never decided to go to an art school if my mother was still around? Was my choice to go to an art school a humble act of rebellion upon my way of living?
Would i still be the same person i am today if she raised me as she would have?
Friday, August 20, 2010
Not going to cuss anymore.
I made a resolution today, I'm not going to cuss anymore. I will not ever cuss again in front of anyone, but I cannot say the same for when I am alone. Cussing is actually not a usual habit of mine, but admittedly I do cuss unknowingly and sometimes quite suddenly.
The good part about this is perhaps with exercising restraint i can control my anger a little bit more (though i hardly ever do get angry :/) I just hope with this i don't start coming up with more non-cussing ways to release my anger. I do know i have quite the colourful vocabulary list, though its not exactly very good, i have been known to come up with "quite the insult" when i talk about someone i don't particularly favour. To me, i think that's worse than cussing at them.
The good part about this is perhaps with exercising restraint i can control my anger a little bit more (though i hardly ever do get angry :/) I just hope with this i don't start coming up with more non-cussing ways to release my anger. I do know i have quite the colourful vocabulary list, though its not exactly very good, i have been known to come up with "quite the insult" when i talk about someone i don't particularly favour. To me, i think that's worse than cussing at them.
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